Not everything is rosy.

lauradiyorioblog
Jan 16, 2024
4 min read

Updated: Mar 28, 2024

True Colors_Cyndi Lauper

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You with the sad eyes

Don't be discouraged

Oh, I realize

It's hard to take courage

In a world full of people

You can lose sight of it all

And the darkness inside you

Make you feel so small

...

Extract from "True Colors" by Cyndi Lauper

I was always very positive. I always stayed calm... almost always. I always smiled, I was always accommodating and I always took great care of others. I was always kind and always made sure not to hurt anyone even with the petal of a flower. I was always so like that that I didn't even know how to say No.

So much so that a few years ago Danna, my teacher from a magical Clown workshop, made me realize that I didn't know how to get angry. It was a discovery and a surprise for me. Of course she knew that I wasn't one to get angry, but the surprise was that even though they provoked me, I didn't realize of that thus didn't react getting mad. I always had love and a smile for everything and everyone even though I might be going through the saddest moments of my life.

It is true that sadness, crying, loneliness and a little bit of I don't know if desperation or hopelessness have also been part of my life. It's true, life is not always rosy. We are all affected by some gray, many of us are affected by things in common or different, but we are all affected by some pain.

... we are all affected by some pain ...

I was always very healthy in my life, in my way of being, I never had vices and I always looked at the world and life with a lot of gratitude and thinking that something good had to come. It was that healthy and positive outlook, that share of enthusiasm that saved me more than once. I assured myself that everything was fine and even more: it was going to be better! So I used to feel joy as if it were a great truth that something divine was about to happen to me. They say well that what one says and repeats, for the mind becomes a truth. So I came to the office happy every day as if everything was wonderful.

... enthusiasm that saved me more than once ...

In any case, over the years, life brought me batches of very hard moments, great blows of pain and fear, one after the other or worse still, one on top of the other, as if giving me strength to see how far I could resist.

The last batch was this year. Despite the rapid sequence of events, the sadness and almost breaking down, I did not give up. At one point I even patted myself on the shoulder and applauded myself for my ability to recover and get up, I didn't even know from where, and smile again and continue working for my dreams..

Until one more blow came, which was a big hit, and another and so I reached my limit and fell on my knees with my shoulders low and my head down, I couldn't take it anymore and I could only hit deeper. My strength is running out and I have plenty of moments of pain without hugs.

... My strength is running out and I have plenty of moments of pain without hugs ...

I feel like I'm taking my last breath to try something more for myself, to do me good, to change my reality, what I understand as such.

... I'm taking my last breath to try something ... to change my reality,..

So I decided to travel, which has always been a fantastic experience for me even when I am alone. I'm going on a trip in a month. I know it's going to do me good, very good. I just have to hold on for a few more days... because the best is yet to come.

I'm going to recover the colors that are in me.

If you saw the movie Trolls, do you remember the scene in which Poppy's colors fade and she turns gray? That was happening to me in the last year, I was fading, losing my colors, due to the sadness that a relationship gave me, which took away my spark, my joy and brought me many sorrows; and when I thought I had recovered my colors, more difficult moments came.